Launching 'Seeking Hope Poetry'
Separating my Gambling-Awareness content, and my creative outlet.
As I tell my story; gambling, excessive alcohol-usage, and s*****e attempts are bound to appear at multiple stages. Please read safely.
Welcome!
Seeking Hope Poetry has been a side-project of mine for quite a few years. It is the Username I first started posting my Poetry under on Instagram; I’m still fairly active there, and you’ll find some of my non-Book poems there.
As I discussed in my latest
post, I have decided to split the two topics into their own separate publications. You can read more about that by clicking the “Read more” button below.
“A Flat White; Medium, Half Sugar”
As some of you may know, I am self-publishing my own Poetry book in early July. I was meant to have completed the formatting by now, and it would certainly be ideal to have a manuscript ready by now. However, in January, I decided to procrastinate doing this by writing an article about gambling instead.
And the rest, as they say, is history. (Who says that?)
The most frustrating part is that the poems have all been written—I’m literally avoiding (arguably) the easiest part of writing a book. I am still very much on track to have it ready by the 1st of July, however the true star here is Amazon’s KDP service; praise be for a 3 day submission-to-print time-frame!
I cannot wait to release these poems.
Though, like any writing, it doesn’t come without anxiety. The book itself is in 3 parts; ‘The Falling’, ‘The Hole’, ‘The Digging Down’. The poems are presented chronologically—not just to suit the narrative, but also in the order I wrote them.
The first poems I ever wrote were very, very bleak. Drunkenly scribbled on the inside of a muesli bar box, illuminated by the computer screen as I gambled my life away. That level of bleak.
They get darker, as my suicidal ideations, gambling, and debt worsened. It was during this period that I tried to take my own life, twice. There are poems—not necessarily about the attempts, but about my state of mind during this time.
Then, comes help. I’m in the hole, but I’m found. People come and sit with me in the hole, and teach me things. That, perhaps the hole isn’t what I think it is; maybe it’s ok to be there, for now. A resting place; recharging.
Finally, the third section of this book has so much hope. All poems written in this section are written whilst I am deepening into Recovery from gambling. You’ll read that I learnt—from those visitors and my time in ‘the hole’—that perhaps the escape I was fighting so hard for, isn’t necessarily outside.
It’s becoming comfortable in my hole, resting; then digging around in search for others trapped in theirs. The metaphor stretches thin, but I hope that after reading my collection of poems, you’ll understand.
The Important Bit.
I am, by definition, a terrible salesman. I’m not a socialist...but when it comes to making sure people can afford things—I probably err closer to being one than I think.
I know what it’s like to be pay-check to pay-check, and to physically scrounge around for coins to buy bread for dinner. Don’t take pity on me—if not for my gambling, I would not have experienced these things.
It is, however, the exact reason why
will forever remain free. In the pits of my rock bottoms, IYou’d be hard pressed to find a Problem Gambler who would have spare cash that they would willingly use to pay to read articles like mine. As I said; I struggled to buy bread some weeks.
So, my writing is free. If I earn nothing, but can rest in the hope that perhaps sharing my story might help even just one person feel less alone—or seen—that’s what it’s all about.
I don’t mean to try and guilt-trip you in any way by writing about my financial situation/s—that was simply to show you a little reason as to why keeping those posts free means so much to me.
Paid Subscriptions.
However, money does help. (See? I’m shocking at this. I apologise in advance for this section of money-talk).
This first post here on the Seeking Hope Poetry Substack is free. However, all of the following posts will be paid only.
I will be posting once a week during June, as I approach the book release. Each post will contain 3 poems; one from each section of the book. This poems will have never been posted here on Substack before.
Once the book is released, I will continue to post weekly. New poems, deconstructing poems from the book, etc. (I already have a 2nd book in the works, but shhh!).
For all Annual Subscribers, I will post you a copy of the book for no extra charge once it’s released!
So please, consider becoming a paid subscriber to Seeking Hope Poetry. You won’t just be supporting my Poetry writing, but my Gambling/Addiction work too.
The money I earn through this Substack, will go towards all future ventures in my gambling awareness “crusade”, for lack of a better term. Once my book is released, I will begin focussing on setting up a podcast; so funding to help me set this up logistically and physically will be key.
If you’d like, I have also set up a Patreon for this podcast:
https://www.patreon.com/SeekingHopePoetry .
Alternatively, some people have voiced that they would like to gift/donate/support in a more anonymous way. Please find a few ways to do so below:
Buy Me a Coffee (Click on text for link).
Paypal: Please send to seaneyecare@hotmail.com
Revolut (Click on text for link).
A Thank You. Genuinely.
For those who read my work, I feel so blessed. 3 years ago, I opted to end things rather than open up and ask for help. I was so trapped in my gambling addiction and the associated shame that it seemed impossible. So, thank you.
A massive thank you to
, Jennifer M, Goleby, Jean, Ellie, , , Lara, Greta, , Alisha, , , , Sandy R Assum and , in absolutely no particular order.Your generosity so far, for the beginning of this journey has been incredible. I hope to repay you all through my writing, learning, and helping others.
Love Sean x
Day 629. One Day at a Time.